Perfectionism is something I have struggled with for so long… actually, it is still a constant struggle. I usually associate it more as a trauma response, but it’s awesome to know it’s also #ADHD. As I have learned — if it’s both then it’s crazy hard to overcome. It’s not impossible, but I will need more grace and patience with myself, then something that is just one or the other.
Someone telling me that I messed up, when I work so hard to NEVER mess up, is crushing. It would send me crawling into bed and wondering why I even ever try to do anything. Even the littlest correction would send me spiraling into a depressive episode. One time — I sent out a client email with a typo and I cried for 3 days about it constantly. I felt so guilty, I almost closed my business.
As I have focused and grown, I have realized making mistakes is something everyone does, but for people whose brains are ADHD/Trauma wired — that mistake feels like life or death each time. Especially when the mistake hurts someone that you care about — whew — then it’s like a quadruple punch in the gut. Now, not only did you make a mistake (even if it was a social rule you had no idea existed), now someone ELSE is feeling the impact of your inadequacy…. Yikes.
So what has made it better? Repeating over and over to my kids…
Everyone makes mistakes. It’s how you handle them that defines who you are. If you 1) own it, 2) apologize for it and 3) fix it, then most people will forgive you and your life will move forward. It doesn’t have to be the end of life as you know it, just a minor pot hole in the road.
This is one of the MANY reasons that I am so happy to be working with 42Strong. I know that there are many kids who are struggling with these feelings and learning how others handle the same situations can be life changing.
Let’s normalize making mistakes.
Let’s normalize giving forgiveness.
Maybe then, the next generation won’t suffer so much from perfectionism and impostersyndrome and they can just be who they were meant to be.
